You must accept that your child is going to steal something at least once. Typically, children do not know that stealing is wrong unless they do it and are corrected. You must avoid overreacting when you realize your child has stolen something. Parents often take extreme punitive measures because they are overwhelmed by the fear of raising a thief and a liar. However, punishments alone do not teach the necessary skills that will prevent the child from stealing again in the future.
How to Respond Appropriately
1. When you realize that your child has stolen something, simply have him return or replace the item. If he cannot afford to replace it with his own money, give him the money and create a repayment plan through chores.
2. If you know your child stole an item, do not ask questions. Address the situation by saying, “I know you took my bracelet. I did the same thing when I was a child, but it is wrong, and I need you to ask permission first.” You can also ask questions that will help your child think about how the theft impacts others. For example, “How do you think that would impact a store owner? or How do you think it made me feel when my grandmother’s bracelet was not in my jewelry box?”
3. If your child stole from a store, help them practice returning the item to the owner. Make sure you help her understand that she did something wrong, but returning the item will correct the wrong and strengthen her character.
4. Never assume that your child stole something maliciously because it may have been a mistake. A lot of children put things in their pockets and forget they are there. If they have a friend’s toy, simply say, “I know that your friend is going to be so sad when he realizes this is missing. I am going to call his mom and tell them we have it.”
5. If you suspect your child is stealing to support a gambling or drug habit, get professional help. This will require outside intervention.
How to Prevent Future Problems with Stealing
1. Discuss stealing before it happens. Help your child understand that it is wrong and what they should do instead.
2. Some children feel unloved, not cared for, and hurt so they feel justified in hurting others. Go out of your way to make your children feel loved by meeting physical/emotional/social needs, spending time, buying tiny gifts, and consistently speaking encouraging words. When your children do something wrong, separate what they did from who they are.
3. Give your children opportunities to earn money so they can save up and buy what they want.
4. Decrease temptation at an age-appropriate level. Maybe an older sibling needs a place to lock up preferred items while the younger child is learning to ask permission.
5. Keep an open dialogue with your children about their feelings of your parenting and favoritism. Address their concerns and change your behavior if necessary. You may want to investigate the 5 Love Languages for Children by Gary Chapman.
6. Show unconditional love but do not rescue your child every time they make a mistake. Let them suffer the consequences of their actions so they learn to make better choices in the future.
Dr. Beth Long received her education in Counseling Psychology from Chapman University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Board Certified Behavior Analyst. Beth has worked in six unique clinical environments across the country and currently owns Works of Wonder Therapy in Montgomery. Beth utilizes the knowledge from a variety of different disciplines to give her patients the best care possible. To learn more visit www.worksofwondertherapy.com.
