Parents often ask me why I spend so much time talking about social media, gaming, devices, and now AI. There are many reasons. One of the big ones is my concern about what happens when children become desensitized to what they see online.
Over the years, I developed a framework I call the Cycle of Digital Trauma. Most likely this name will evolve, but the concept remains the same. Have you ever looked at your child and wondered why they do what they do online? Children go online looking for connection. They want to feel seen, heard, understood, and accepted. That’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s deeply human. The problem is what often happens once they get there. A child opens an app and encounters something disturbing, inappropriate, or emotionally intense. It may be pornography, graphic violence, hate speech, dangerous challenges, or content that simply isn’t appropriate for their age. And then a few seconds later, they’re watching something funny.
Then something shocking.
Then something entertaining.
Then something upsetting again.
Because so much of today’s online world is built around short-form content, children can move from one emotional extreme to another in seconds. Without guidance from a trusted adult, they can begin to adapt to what they’re seeing. Content that once felt disturbing becomes familiar. Familiar then becomes normal. This is where desensitization begins.
What concerns me most is not a single video or a single online experience. (Although I hold space here for the really BIG stuff that can occur through a single online experience. That can change lives.) But it’s the repetition. When children repeatedly encounter inappropriate content without intervention, they can begin to lose the ability to recognize how unhealthy or harmful it is. Then the cycle starts again. They return online seeking connection, entertainment, or stimulation. But now it often takes something bigger, louder, or more extreme to capture their attention. The cycle repeats. Over and over.
As a former child abuse investigator, I’ve spent years studying how harmful patterns can repeat across generations when they are not interrupted. While the online world is very different, the principle is similar. If no one steps in to help children process what they are seeing, unhealthy experiences can become normalized. Case in point…I worked with a mom whose son had pornography that was shown to him by other elementary school students normalized because it had been normalized for the coach who “intervened” with the children. He grew up watching things online. He explained to the mom, “It is ok. It is just the way things are. They are going to see stuff.”
That’s why I believe today’s parents play such an important role. Many of us are the last generation that remembers life before social media. We remember riding bikes, knocking on friends’ doors, and spending hours face-to-face with other people. We remember boredom, imagination, and genuine human connection.
Research consistently shows us that our bodies are designed for real-world relationships. We thrive on eye contact, conversation, physical presence, and shared experiences. Technology can support connection, but it cannot fully replace it. If we don’t intentionally teach our children the value of authentic human connection, who will?
Protecting kids online isn’t about creating fear. It isn’t about banning every app or eliminating every screen. (Although would it be so bad for them to be completely analog til at least 16?) It is about being the intervening voice. It’s about checking devices, having conversations, setting boundaries, and helping children make sense of what they encounter online before it becomes normal.
Most importantly, it’s about reminding them that their need for connection is real—but the healthiest forms of connection still happen person-to-person. Technology will continue to evolve. Social media will change. AI will grow more sophisticated. Our job as parents isn’t to stop progress. Our job is to make sure our children don’t lose themselves in it.
Kristi Bush serves as a national education consultant and social media safety advocate. She is a licensed social worker with greater than 15 years of clinical practice and healthcare experience. She attended Troy and Auburn University where she studied social work and counseling. Kristi travels nationally and has spoken with thousands of children, parents, professionals and organizations about the benefits and threats associated with social media. You may reach Kristi through her website at www.knbcommunications.com.
Author: Kristi Bush
Kristi Bush serves as a national education consultant and social media safety advocate. She is a licensed social worker with greater than 15 years of clinical practice and health care experience. She attended Troy and Auburn University where she studied social work and counseling. Kristi travels nationally and has spoken with thousands of children, parents, professionals and organizations about the benefits and threats associated with social media. You may reach Kristi through her website at www.knbcommunications.com.
