I recently tuned into Dr. Lisa Damour’s podcast, and if you’re not familiar with her, I highly recommend checking her out! You can find her on Instagram or listen to her podcast, “Ask Lisa.” As a renowned psychologist specializing in parenting, she consistently offers valuable insights and support for parents like us.
In this episode, Dr. Damour emphasized the critical role of a parent’s steady presence in a child’s life. I believe this is one of the most significant aspects of effective parenting. Life can be incredibly destabilizing, especially for young teens who are navigating various challenges. Add in the complexities of social media, and things can quickly become overwhelming.
In my years of working with teenagers and parents, I’ve noticed a trend: while kids will inevitably make mistakes—after all, they are still learning—those who have involved parents typically recover more quickly from missteps. They tend to face life’s challenges with greater resilience, knowing their parents are there to support them.
When I refer to “steady presence,” I don’t mean an unending barrage of questions, hours spent scrutinizing their devices, or the need to know their exact whereabouts every moment. A steady presence can be as simple as having calm, focused conversations about your child’s day. Even a brief, two-minute chat can reassure them that you are actively engaged in their life.
Moreover, it’s important to create an environment where open discussions about social media missteps can occur without fear of confrontation. Encourage your child to come to you when they want to vent and practice the art of listening without immediately jumping into problem-solving mode. I often advise parents to simply ask, “Do you want feedback?” after their teen expresses their feelings. Many times, the answer will be no; what they truly seek is the comfort of knowing they can share their thoughts and frustrations without judgment.
I’ll always remember a powerful story shared by a high school senior in front of a packed room of parents at a conference. She emphasized the importance of fostering open communication with your children during difficult situations. She said, “You want your child to think, Oh no, I’ve messed up; I need to let Mom and Dad know. What you don’t want is for them to feel, Oh no, I messed up; I can’t tell Mom and Dad. I can never let them find out.” This level of connection is largely achieved through being a steady, supportive presence in your child’s life.
Our kids are constantly online, and the digital landscape can be noisy and overwhelming. Online “friends” come and go, and the advice they receive about who to be and how to behave shifts daily. This chaos can add an extra layer of uncertainty to an already tumultuous time in their lives. Your steady presence serves as an anchor amidst this noise.
Often, at my conferences, I hear concerned parents asking if they are doing “enough” to protect their children. They want reassurance that their kids will be okay. I remind them that research shows children who have involved parents—those who engage in conversations and maintain a steady presence—navigate social media much better.
Kristi Bush serves as a national education consultant and social media safety advocate. She is a licensed social worker with greater than 15 years of clinical practice and health care experience. She attended Troy and Auburn University where she studied social work and counseling. Kristi travels nationally and has spoken with thousands of children, parents, professionals and organizations about the benefits and threats associated with social media. You may reach Kristi through her website at www.knbcommunications.com.
Author: Kristi Bush
Kristi Bush serves as a national education consultant and social media safety advocate. She is a licensed social worker with greater than 15 years of clinical practice and health care experience. She attended Troy and Auburn University where she studied social work and counseling. Kristi travels nationally and has spoken with thousands of children, parents, professionals and organizations about the benefits and threats associated with social media. You may reach Kristi through her website at www.knbcommunications.com.
