Teachers, counselors, pediatricians, and everyone else who works with children are distressed by how often parents are unaware of how their choices, behaviors, and words may negatively impact development.
Emotionally healthy parents raise emotionally healthy children, but becoming healthy requires a tremendous amount of work and effort. Instead of “doing the work” parents often want a “quick fix” for their children’s unruly behavior.
I truly believe that children are here to teach us much more than we will ever teach them. Children teach us to love unconditionally, protect faithfully, find joy in the little things, overflow with patience, display kindness in difficult circumstances, show gentleness even when they are irrational, and practice self-control. However, to learn from your children, you must be a willing student.
Sometimes, parents are so concerned about controlling their child’s behavior that they stop focusing on becoming a better person. This is the hardest part of parenting that very few people discuss.
First, take the time to self-reflect daily. Every night, ask yourself these three questions and keep notes so you can see your progress.
1. What did you do well as a parent today?
2. What do you wish you had done differently?
3. Should you take any action to correct it? Do you need to apologize to your child? Do you simply need to make a different plan for how you will react in the future?
Second, try to see the world through your child’s eyes daily.
1. Think about things your child said to you and think about the importance of their words without making assumptions. For example, a bad grade on a test is as crushing to them as being fired would be to you.
2. Did you rush into judgment when you should have been more curious? For example, did you make your child stop playing cars and make them do something with you? Should you have just joined your child in that activity instead?
3. Identify your priorities and focus daily on what is in your control. What do you care about most? Work, family, your relationship with God, physical fitness, having fun, friendships, etc. If these things are important to you, do your daily actions correctly reflect your priorities? If not, what changes need to be made? Are your actions teaching your children your priorities? If not, what changes need to be made?
Allow your children to help you grow into the best person you can be. Take the time to be their willing student. Stop focusing on their immediate behavior and become intentional about shaping them into amazing adults that you would be proud to know.
Dr. Beth Long received her education in Counseling Psychology from Chapman University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Board Certified Behavior Analyst. Beth has worked in six unique clinical environments across the country and currently owns Works of Wonder Therapy in Montgomery. Beth utilizes the knowledge from a variety of different disciplines to give her patients the best care possible. To learn more visit www.worksofwondertherapy.com.
